that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
