idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
