dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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