I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
