Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
where does the pee come out of this thing
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize