There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
