It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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