I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
