I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
