What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
