I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
