How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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