By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Randomize
