After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
