During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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