dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Blood and glitter go together right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
