I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
