dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
