Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
