do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
