I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
