He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
