I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
