Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
