it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize