Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
