My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
