I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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