You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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