Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
