Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
