he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
