she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
