I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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