Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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