somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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