Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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