After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
