We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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