Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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