i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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