I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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