Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
