why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
