I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
