Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found the puke drawer
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
