I accidentally burped into my bong.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
