I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
