he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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