the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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