omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
