I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're using joints as your birthday candles
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
