You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
