You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
