Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
