Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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