He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize