took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
