Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
