Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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