You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
