I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
