Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
