We named our party play list daddy issues
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
