Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
