Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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