Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
