Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
