I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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