wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
