I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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