ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
