Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
