dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
