sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
