i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
